I FAILED AN EXAM AND LEARNED TO SAY NO

Who knew you had to fail an exam to figure out what you want to do with your life at 25. Okay, I’m still 24 until the 22nd of August, but whatever!

Hey blog readers, how have you all been? It’s been a minute. I always promise that I’ll write here more often, but I fail woefully at that. So, I’m no longer promising anything. Anytime you see me here, take it.

A lot has been going on in my personal life that I want to share. I’m not going to give you all the details, but I’m going to try. I failed an exam only recently, and it seems to me like it was the awakening that I needed.

I’ve always been a “yes girl” person. I always say yes, and most times, I regret it. Yes, to do things I don’t want to do, to being with people I don’t even like, to helping out when I genuinely do not want to help. Yes, to putting others first and myself last because I just haven’t figured out how to disappoint people yet.

It’s always been how will they feel instead of how I will feel. So, I accept to go above and beyond for others without worrying about myself and my mental health. That changed when I failed an exam that I prepared for and felt I was going to do well and move on to the next chapter of my life. However, when I saw my results that Wednesday morning, after crying, I decided that it was clear what I wanted to do with my life, and saying yes all the time wasn’t part of it.

The first thing I did when I saw the result was to quit my full-time job. It was not because I didn’t work with bright minds, but I felt it was time to move on to other opportunities. Don’t worry, I have a part-time job, and I’m good, but don’t try this at home. The next thing I did was to learn how to say no.

I’m usually a "yes sis" girl. Even when I do not want to do things, I say yes to them to avoid breaking people’s hearts. My result has given me clarity regarding that. Who knew saying no to people can be so liberating.

There’s something my mum always says. “There’s no blessing attached to someone who murmurs while doing a job.” While growing up, my mum never said thank you to me when she had to yell before I do a particular chore and I have to murmur while doing it.

I feel life doesn’t have to be that hard. When someone asks you to do something that you can’t do at that moment, you are free to say no. Someone needs a service you offer, and you don’t think you can offer it? Say no instead of murmuring while doing it. Someone wants money from you, and you are not financially buoyant to give out the amount he/she needs, say it. You don’t need to empty your bank account so people can like you and call you generous, and after that, you have nothing.

You are asked to teach someone, and you can’t do that; say no. Your family has a plan for you, they are trying to force it down your throat, and it genuinely doesn’t align with the plan you’ve set for yourself? Say no. For the ladies, a friend of yours is getting married, the price of the asoebi is ridiculous, and you can’t afford it, but your friend is making you feel like crap because you don’t want to buy it, insist on your no. Attend the wedding if you can afford to, but don’t empty your bank account if you cannot afford to. Shout out to my friends for being so understanding regarding this. Someone wants to stay with you, and you’re sure you don’t want that; instead of giving the person attitude when he/she finally gets to your apartment, you can say no from the start, it’s better. Dear black tax African kids, your family is mounting pressure on you to send a specific amount of money home, but if you do that, you’re going to be broke. Give them what you can afford to spare and insist on no.

I know it might seem like it’s easier said than done, but it can be done. Nobody is going to cut you off for giving your family what you can afford and refusing to have N0.00 because you want to please your family. Your friends might not like that you said no to them, but they will come around.

I can’t believe it took me failing an exam to gain clarity about my life and the path that I want to pursue. I’m hoping you don’t have to fail an exam to realise that sometimes, no is the right answer to some of the things people are asking you to do for them, things that you know you’ll do murmuring. Remember, if you have to murmur while taking a project, maybe don’t take up that project in the first place.

I hope you guys gained a thing or two from this. I shared a detailed video about my exams in a YouTube video. So, click on the link to watch and if you’re following me on Instagram, I’ll catch you there soon.